i am damaged at best, like you have already figured out, [but] in the pain, there is healing

i need to:

1. focus on math more
2. apply to schools
3. make more time for the family
4. make more time with my friends
5. make more time with GOD.
6. stop texting so much...

I wish life was exactly the way we saw it, you know? so often, i see something one way, and get ahead of myself, then something causes me to realize that i'm wrong. sometimes -i mean often- i have to remind myself that the world doesn't revolve around me. no, okay, i don't sit and consciously tell myself that it does, but i realized, that often, i do have the mindset. like, i'm being reminded that..of course things aren't always going to go my way, of course i can't always have everything i think i need/ want, sometimes..(mel, this is like something you've said before) i'm not always the protagonist in the story. sometimes, i'm the antagonist that needs to get out of the way and stop being such a pain. maybe...my story is still waiting to happen..yeah, fingers crossed.

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well, this is kind of irrelevant..but its great, so dont hate..appreciate ;)

"Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.
We know that we live in him and he in us, because he has given us of his Spirit. And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent his Son to be the Savior of the world. If anyone acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of God, God lives in him and he in God. And so we know and rely on the love God has for us.
God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him. In this way, love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment, because in this world we are like him. There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

We love because he first loved us. If anyone says, "I love God," yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen. And he has given us this command: Whoever loves God must also love his brother."
1 John 4: 7-21

23 dayssss

what an accurate representation...hahah

Philippines, I am so ready to be back.

count to ten, take it in, this is life before you know who you're going to be

I wish math wasn't calling my name so intently..not to mention Heart of Darkness...I wish I read it when I was supposed to/ I wish school wasn't such a dominant part of my life right now. I wish I had more time for a lot of things, and I wish I could drive. But really, this is old news.

It's one of those things..like I'm always wishing I had more time..but when I actually end up having some downtime..I find myself doing something pointless, and lazy...like just sleeping..just because I find that those opportunities are so rare, y'know?

I wish I had more time for people too...oh the things I would do differently if I had more time. Why am I having such a hard time to manage my time these days? - all of sudden?!

This is the verse I really needed to hear today: I'll defs be meditating on this verse: hope it encourages you guys too...have a good week :)

"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. "
--Phil 4:4-8

<3

I'm sitting @ Winners in Richmond waiting for my mom...ladededa. I just saw a kid just screaming at the top of her lungs and crying. I kinda miss that, being able to scream with careless abandon when things didn't go my way. Ha-ha. It was just easier. Boy, did I take those days for granted.

But really, I take so muchh of my life for granted. I have to constantly remind myself to be more thankful. Things may not also go my way, but I've still been blessed with so much. I need to complain less..sigh.

I'm in the car now, and I'm kind of getting distracted, so this isn't that great. Haha, more laater :)

adfah

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. "
Hebrews 12:1-3

there's something about the way the street looks when it's just rained.

1. Lost and insecure, you found me.
2. I wish you were a stranger, I could disengage.
3. I'll be right beside you...I will stay, nobody will break you.
4. I will be here when the laughter turns to crying, through the winning and losing and trying.
5. And it's still so hard for you to be who you are, so you play this part and the show goes on.
6. Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend...somewhere along in the bitterness.
7. Even the best fall down sometimes.
8. What if I never knew? What if I never found you?
9. You have been good to me, you've kept your word and got me through these years.
10. That don't kill [you], will only make [you] stronger.


that's it for now, this takes longer than I thought. haha, goodnight.

i can't help but wait.

It freaks me out/ confuses me that sometimes, I find myself feeling really out of place in my surroundings. That I'm supposed to be doing something else, somewhere else. It's hard to explain. A part of me feels like I'm in a rut. Hmm, how to put this into words, I love high school, but sometimes, I feel like I'm so over it. Not that it's beneath me or anything, because it's not. But sometimes, I feel like I don't/ can't identity with the same things/ same people I used to. I don't know what brought it about, but sometimes, for fleeting moments, I just feel it. Also, it's scaring me that I am starting to feel it for longer stretches these days.

You gettin' what I'm sayin'?
_______________________________________

Just..because.
1. Wow, yes, I do care about you. But please, don't flatter yourself.
2. It's only a matter of time, it's terrible.
3. Well, that's annoying.
4. Chin up <3
5. Oh my word, can you freaking call me back so I can book my appointments?!
6. Hi math, I will dominate you this weekend. It's true.
7. PLEASE APPROVE THIS! UGH.

friends.

" ²⁵"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? ²⁶Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? ²⁷Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?

²⁸"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. ²⁹Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. ³⁰If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? ³¹So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' ³²For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. ³³But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. ³⁴Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."
--Matthew 6:28-34

I was just randomly sitting in my room, and I wanted to text someone..not for any particular reason, just for the sake of it, and to talk. Then I realized I didn't have anyone to text. Not that I had NO ONE to text, because I know that I can text a few people if I really need to, I just miss being to randomly text SOME ONE, and I don't mean anyone in particular. I just wish I did, that is all. But with that said, during this awkward time of changes, or whatever you want to call it, God did "provide a way out" so that I could "stand up under it." (1 Corinthians 10:13 - okay, granted that verse talked about temptation..) but still, He did. He gave me friends that I didn't expect to have in the time I needed it the most. Not to mention, other friends that I already had showed me so much patience, and compassion. Point is, God saw me through it, and I have faith that He will continue to...just wanted to blog about it.

slovakia...

There are times when Slovakia just pops into my mind, and it'll feel like another lifetime ago, almost unreal. Then there are moments where I find myself just remembering all the memories, feeling like it was just yesterday, and missing every second of it. Times when I wonder how all the little kids we met are, how the teenagers are, and how Otto is doing there. Those are the times when I wish I made more of it, and it breaks my heart that I didn't.

Looking back on it now, I'd go back and do it all again in a heartbeat - even all 39 awkward, long, repetitive Canada presentations.

Like seriously, it's cheesy, but it's true. I can close my eyes and still remember walking down those streets in Lucenec bright and early in the morning to meet up with the others, buying instant coffee from the vending machine of our random hostel place just because it would warm us up during our 15 minute walk...and hey, it was only like 50 eurocents? man, i don't even remember :( ...carrying my purple duffel bag thing to carry my clothes/ Bible/ team stuff for the day...wearing a kajillion layers. Then walking to the place where everyone else was staying...walking into the dining hall and eating breakfast with warm milk..and suchh good yogurt..talking about random musicals with everybody. Writing quotes in the quote book...planning each Canada presentation until finally perfecting it in the end. Going to ...shoot what was the grocery store called?! to buy milka bars..and going to random cafes to buy cappucinos and gelatos just because we could. Planning for crisis centers...and reality klubs...meeting all those teenagers and kids, then having to say goodbye..twice. Then having team time in the guys' smelly room at night...interesting team games that had everyone cracking up, doing team devos...going through James and 1 Peter..Eating more milka bars..and lots more walking. Seeing castles, eating tons of sourkraut...doing more reality klubs and meeting some creepy guys along the way... Eating gigantic pizzas in Nitra and seeing some castles...finally heading home, and taking long trains from one country to the other (just like in the books)...Man, I miss it like crazy.

Mmm, I guess that's why I don't like to think about it. It's like that Summer Girls song, by LFO..."My mind takes me back there oh so quick..."

jan 13 2009?

um.....uh oh.

I'm not ashamed of my faith, I just wish I could put it into words better.

I feel like I've been out of the loop for so long, when in reality, I've only missed one day of school. I hate missing school. I have to miss tomorrow too. My parents insist on it, sigh. It's out of love, I know.

Maybe, I should look into more university stuff tomorrow. Yeah, that's what I'll do.

quick update..hahah

-I am too hot and cold; metaphorically speaking and literally too for once.

-I think I am getting sick..uh oh.

-I want to smack you silly.

-I forgot how much I missed you guys.

-Why are you such a mystery?

-Thanks for the advice, I know you're right.

-Can you srsly, call me back please? WHAT THE DEALIE?

-Can you please explain those lessons better, like seriously.

-I wish I had one..

-I'm going to crawl into my bed now. Bye, bye.

I love my dayplanner.

To do list for the week:

1. Figure out what I need to do for University applications
2. Call Lito again.
3. Figure out what we're doing for make-up for grad pics.

4. Run at least once.

5. DEVOS.