It's funny thinking about how parents' rules change as you grow up, and you don't even notice it.

Long time no blog.

I wonder if anyone even reads this anymore...it's been a while since I've written anything worthwhile really. I guess we'll see if it's worthwhile today...

I told my mom I was going to take a nap before we go out for dinner, but somehow, I never got around to it. I cracked open my writing 12 book that I found when I moved to this house, and I've been meaning to read it. There's only a few things in there, it was still nice to read. Sad too. At the time, I thought it was so (for lack of a better word) pointless to write about (for example) the things going on around me at Granville Island (For our fieldtrip). But it's an interesting read now...all of it. That's not to say I didn't enjoy writing...it was really fun..and it was especially nice to have it in grade 12 - since we had a lot of time to just reflect and write, which I love to do. Pictures are one thing, but I think words are another.

I was briefly talking to a friend...and it's crazy that this year's grads are already going grad camping. I can't believe it was only a year ago.

One of my brother's friends was recently over and she graduated from PA too, and K asked her if she liked it and she said, "I LOVED my time there." I don't know how you can't. I mean, if you really take the time to appreciate it for what it was, and the relationships it allows you to build, etc. - I don't think it's possible to not love it.

April 27 last year, I wrote:

Sometimes, its easy to take it for granted - how nice PA is. Man, I'm really going to miss this place. It's weird to think about how life will continue here even though we're gone. How next September, kids are going to come back and continue on with their lives like nothings changed. They'll put on their uniforms, get school supply lists in the mail with their classes...PA has always been such a constant in my life - something I come back to each year, something I know will always be the same. I can't imagine not coming back.

I don't know why that was so sad to read, even though I remember writing it - not to mention, how cheesy it is. I know it's cheesy. No, no it get's better. It's called, "Contemplative Journaling." Haha oh my.

I don't know what it is, it's just this feeling of deep nostalgia for the people, who on any given day...you could just stop and have a deep, meaningful conversation with. I don't know why, but I feel like that's so hard to come by these days.

You know, a year later, after it's all been said and done...

I can look back on it and say, "yeah, that's where it all changed."

Not necessarily my move, but maybe. But definitely graduation. (I guess that's obvious.)

It really wasn't what I expected. I don't know what I expected. Yet here we are, a year later.

I wouldn't say it changed for the worse necessarily (although, in some ways it has), and I wouldn't say that it has changed for the better either (although, again, it some ways, it has). It's just different. Would I go back and do it over again if I could? Yeah, probably. - Which is not to say the last year hasn't been good, or great. Its had its moments - good and bad - just like I'm sure PA had its moments, good and bad.

Well, you know what they say, The reason people find it so hard to be happy is that they always see the past better than it was, the present worse than it is, and the future less resolved than it will be.”

2 am and i need to be up at 6.

i am in a ranty mood, so here goes.

i am up because i was doing my colour and lighting homework. i did it ALL day (after errands and an oil change) and i couldnt get it to work. eventually, i just ran out of paint so i had to make do with what i had. i put it all together and it looks like poo because i didn't trace it, so i just cut it. (it worked for the last colour wheel, but this one is more precise...so bad call).

so overall, it looks like poo.

im not re-doing it.

not like i could, even if i wanted to...since i'm not spending another thirty bucks on PAINT. yeah...no.

sooo it sucks, and that is pretty much all i got done today, and A BIT of this other assignment. but barely..it doesn't even count.

wednesday: wasted.

kajdfAFKja goodnight.

(i apologize if you actually took the time to read this nonsense)

:)

Post Secret, and them some.

It really has been a while since I blogged, or I'm having one of those nights - I clicked "view blog" three times when all I really wanted to do was press "New Post."

This post secret really stood out to me.

Lately, I think I've been struggling a lot with mediocrity, and it's helped a lot to finally sit down and sort things out. I think with all the time off from school (a whole TEN DAYS YEAH)...I had a lot of time to just think and...be surrounded with my own thoughts. I guess that's good, but also bad in some ways - since a lot of time in my head sometimes gets me down. If you know me (and you probably do since you're bothering to read this) you'll know I'm a worrier. So a lot of time spent just thinking just means lots of worrying, and I think seeing the negative.

I don't know, it's hard to explain.

Also, I think I'm pretty good at sticking feelings and thoughts to the backburner when I don't want to deal with it, or when it's easier to not deal with it. I guess if anything, I should know by now that that only makes it worse. However, I do it anyway. But I think it was finally time to deal with some things I've been putting on the backburner, and I'm really happy about that.

There's a few things that I've been reminded of, or have read, that just gave me a new mindset and outlook on things. It still blows my mind how powerful words can be, and how they affect me so much. More so than music I think. However, what really blows my mind is how crazy and amazing Jesus' love is, and how comforting the Bible is. It's CRAZY. I love it.

Something I really love: (I think I read this a lot in Trez's house - specifically her bathroom. For some reason I used to try and memorize it while I went potty - haha. I guess after all those times, it stuck.)

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference.

A few other things: (just off the top of my head)

Psalm 34:18, Psalm 37:4 (thanks for the reminder, d)

and lastly,

1 Corinthians 13:7

Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

That one is huge.

That is all. (This probably doesn't make much sense..sorry.)

UPDATE:

monday: lab assignment for drafting
tues: history paper w/ pictures
thurs: 3 assignments (materials board, luminaire design and 2 point perspective of room) and 2 sketchbooks due (alllmost done) and in class assignment due

following monday: drafting assignment due (kajdfkajf) and drafting exam
tues: history exam
thurs: design theory exam, and freehand in class assignment

I can't believe I survived tonight!! ONE MORE WEEK.

I also signed up for another class today :) Im happy with that decisions. falling asleep. nightynignt

:)

I have learned a new motto that is slowly getting stuck in my head, "just do it."

I get stressed out A LOT, about things that are coming up and things I cannot help. I always have.

But nowadays, David just says, "just do it."

And you know, that sounds so simple, and at first, I didn't listen, but it makes a lot of sense.

The last couple of days, I've just been trying to take things one step at a time, and it's helping a lot towards my stress levels. You see...my next two weeks are cuhhhrazy :(

monday: lab assignment for drafting
tues: history paper w/ pictures
thurs: 3 assignments (materials board, luminaire design and 2 point perspective of room) and 2 sketchbooks due (alllmost done) and in class assignment due

following monday: drafting assignment due (kajdfkajf) and drafting exam
tues: history exam
thurs: design theory exam, and freehand in class assignment

i guess this post is more for me than anyone else...hahaha, you see, i wouldnt be that stressed IF it was this only this week I had to worry about. HOWEVER, it's not, and the space shows everything I have yet to start on - aka all my exams I have not started studying for since I have been doing other assignments. On the bright side, I did my whole paper today :) I just gotta keep my head on straight these next couple of weeks and it will be okay. I JUST GOTTA DO IT. :)

On a sadder note, I didn't go grocery shopping today, which means I will not have any good snacks at school tomorrow. Silly joanne.

I am so happy though. Despite the homework load and the stress I'm trying to ignore - hahaha.

I hung out with my boooooooooyfriend this weekend, got lots of homework done and saw a bunch of friiiiiiiiiiiiiends the other night :) and therese cried when she saw me. hehehe :) but i also made a lot of new friends, which was soo awesome as well. PLUS, me and carmela dominated the last round of dutch blitz..aka getting a perfect 100 when I had to go. oh ya :)

I am a happy camper :)

Wish me luck and pray hard for my sanity.

lalala

It's one of those nights that I honestly cannot do homework, not matter how hard I try. I try to tell myself that I need to get done, but my subconscious knows that nothing is due tomorrow...and motivation flies out the window.

A friend of mine asked me today, "who are you? Honestly."

I still don't know what he meant by that, as I write this, but it got me thinking. I think it's a hard question to answer, or is that just me? I can't explain it. You know how people always say that we are who we are when nobody's watching, and I guess that's true. I was also reminded recently of how Mr. Dueck would say that we are the person that we are when we crawl into our beds at the end of a long day - nobody around, but ourselves and our thoughts. I guess I've also written before that I think the key to knowing someone is knowing their hopes, their fears, and their aspirations. I tried to re-evaluate those, and I guess that is also true as well.

It's still hard to explain though. I don't know how to. I don't know why I felt like blogging that.

I'm just Joanne, and I can't explain any better than that right now.

That's all I have to say right now.