It's been a while, friends.

It really has been a while since I've blogged. I feel like I never allow myself the luxury of just sitting down and just thinking. I think I'm always in such a rush to go, go, go and finish, finish, finish all the stuff I have to do for school. It really takes a toll on me after a while. Like today for instance, I've done someee homework, but in the big scheme of things, I really havent accomplished much at all, which is kinda of a downer, but I'm justifying it as my lazy Joanne day. After a while, I feel like I just run out of gusto for a project after thinking about it so much. I just need to walk away from it and take a break for a little while.

I really like this Calvin and Hobbes comic that I read a few weeks ago. I feel like this comic just really resonated with me because it just relates so well to me and how I stress out so easily. Last night, J sent me a youtube video on a Francis Chan sermon. It was about marriage and having a Christ centered relationship. It was really good. Granted, I`m not married, but I feel like it anyone can really relate to it, and have it relate to life as a whole. I think it`s true that in our society, having a happy, ``good`` marriage can be portrayed as the `good` Christian thing to do. Yet, it`s not. That`s not our main purpose in a marriage. Our main purpose is to glorify God. Not just in marriages, relationships, but in everything we do. I don`t know if that makes much sense, Francis Chan and his wife Lisa definitely put it better. (Listen to it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ihRmM0aVADU&feature=related&fb_source=message)

But anyways, I feel like I`ve just really been reminded of this a lot lately. I`ve been boggled down a lot with school plans, etc. and I just need to step back and realize that ultimately, no, it`s not about what we do, etc. It`s not who we are, and it`s not what we`re meant to do. There`s a bigger picture, and that`s to love God, serve God, glorify God. It`s not about me, or this life. It`s about what comes after this.

On Sunday, Pastor John mentioned Phillipians 3:10. I`ve read it again, and I think that the verses which come before and after verse 10 are also very relevant.

Phillipians 3:7-14 reads,

But whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God on the basis of faith. I want to know Christ—yes, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, attaining to the resurrection from the dead.

Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

I think it`s funny how God works. He really chooses the most interesting ways to reveal himself to us, at the most unexpected times. I`ll get to this later. Paul says in these verses that he considers everything worthless except for knowing Christ. He considers them garbage, his accomplishments, etc. compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ. That`s amazing to me. Paul`s life is pretty amazing in itself. I think I`ll save that for another blog.

That part of Paul`s letter is titled `No Confidence in the Flesh` in my Bible, and I think that there`s no better way to put it.

I feel like that`s what Paul`s life is all about, and that`s what I aspire to be like.

Anyways, I feel like God has just really been revealing this to me lately. No confidence in the flesh, putting my hope in things above, and not getting boggled down my earthly things. Again, it`s about Him.

Like I said, God has a funny way of revealing Himself. In a time when I`ve most needed to be reminded that my earthly purpose is to serve Him, and not myself, he chooses Philippians 3 to really hit it home.

The very same verse that I related to a couple years ago as I was writing my grad write up. I referred to these verses as I encouraged my fellow grads to `press on towards the goal` - just like Paul is encouraging the Philippians in his letter - and in this case, encouraging me as well.

Not to mention, the very same verse that this blog is titled after. I titled this blog that title because I knew that ultimately, that is my purpose in life - to press on towards the goal. Yet I don`t think I`ve really fully grasped it til now.

I feel like that`s what life is all about though. Running the race, and maybe stumbling and falling - we might trip over the same things over and again, yet God picks us up again and again - and again. It`s about looking ahead - looking up - and continuing the race that God has set for us.

And here I am, back at this blog, continuing what I started a few years ago.

And I don`t promise I`ll be here everyday, but I intend to be here as much as I can be - to keep track of what God is teaching me and chronicling those struggles and challenges. And if you happen to be reading this, welcome back.

Joanne

It's funny thinking about how parents' rules change as you grow up, and you don't even notice it.

Long time no blog.

I wonder if anyone even reads this anymore...it's been a while since I've written anything worthwhile really. I guess we'll see if it's worthwhile today...

I told my mom I was going to take a nap before we go out for dinner, but somehow, I never got around to it. I cracked open my writing 12 book that I found when I moved to this house, and I've been meaning to read it. There's only a few things in there, it was still nice to read. Sad too. At the time, I thought it was so (for lack of a better word) pointless to write about (for example) the things going on around me at Granville Island (For our fieldtrip). But it's an interesting read now...all of it. That's not to say I didn't enjoy writing...it was really fun..and it was especially nice to have it in grade 12 - since we had a lot of time to just reflect and write, which I love to do. Pictures are one thing, but I think words are another.

I was briefly talking to a friend...and it's crazy that this year's grads are already going grad camping. I can't believe it was only a year ago.

One of my brother's friends was recently over and she graduated from PA too, and K asked her if she liked it and she said, "I LOVED my time there." I don't know how you can't. I mean, if you really take the time to appreciate it for what it was, and the relationships it allows you to build, etc. - I don't think it's possible to not love it.

April 27 last year, I wrote:

Sometimes, its easy to take it for granted - how nice PA is. Man, I'm really going to miss this place. It's weird to think about how life will continue here even though we're gone. How next September, kids are going to come back and continue on with their lives like nothings changed. They'll put on their uniforms, get school supply lists in the mail with their classes...PA has always been such a constant in my life - something I come back to each year, something I know will always be the same. I can't imagine not coming back.

I don't know why that was so sad to read, even though I remember writing it - not to mention, how cheesy it is. I know it's cheesy. No, no it get's better. It's called, "Contemplative Journaling." Haha oh my.

I don't know what it is, it's just this feeling of deep nostalgia for the people, who on any given day...you could just stop and have a deep, meaningful conversation with. I don't know why, but I feel like that's so hard to come by these days.

You know, a year later, after it's all been said and done...

I can look back on it and say, "yeah, that's where it all changed."

Not necessarily my move, but maybe. But definitely graduation. (I guess that's obvious.)

It really wasn't what I expected. I don't know what I expected. Yet here we are, a year later.

I wouldn't say it changed for the worse necessarily (although, in some ways it has), and I wouldn't say that it has changed for the better either (although, again, it some ways, it has). It's just different. Would I go back and do it over again if I could? Yeah, probably. - Which is not to say the last year hasn't been good, or great. Its had its moments - good and bad - just like I'm sure PA had its moments, good and bad.

Well, you know what they say, The reason people find it so hard to be happy is that they always see the past better than it was, the present worse than it is, and the future less resolved than it will be.”

2 am and i need to be up at 6.

i am in a ranty mood, so here goes.

i am up because i was doing my colour and lighting homework. i did it ALL day (after errands and an oil change) and i couldnt get it to work. eventually, i just ran out of paint so i had to make do with what i had. i put it all together and it looks like poo because i didn't trace it, so i just cut it. (it worked for the last colour wheel, but this one is more precise...so bad call).

so overall, it looks like poo.

im not re-doing it.

not like i could, even if i wanted to...since i'm not spending another thirty bucks on PAINT. yeah...no.

sooo it sucks, and that is pretty much all i got done today, and A BIT of this other assignment. but barely..it doesn't even count.

wednesday: wasted.

kajdfAFKja goodnight.

(i apologize if you actually took the time to read this nonsense)

:)

Post Secret, and them some.

It really has been a while since I blogged, or I'm having one of those nights - I clicked "view blog" three times when all I really wanted to do was press "New Post."

This post secret really stood out to me.

Lately, I think I've been struggling a lot with mediocrity, and it's helped a lot to finally sit down and sort things out. I think with all the time off from school (a whole TEN DAYS YEAH)...I had a lot of time to just think and...be surrounded with my own thoughts. I guess that's good, but also bad in some ways - since a lot of time in my head sometimes gets me down. If you know me (and you probably do since you're bothering to read this) you'll know I'm a worrier. So a lot of time spent just thinking just means lots of worrying, and I think seeing the negative.

I don't know, it's hard to explain.

Also, I think I'm pretty good at sticking feelings and thoughts to the backburner when I don't want to deal with it, or when it's easier to not deal with it. I guess if anything, I should know by now that that only makes it worse. However, I do it anyway. But I think it was finally time to deal with some things I've been putting on the backburner, and I'm really happy about that.

There's a few things that I've been reminded of, or have read, that just gave me a new mindset and outlook on things. It still blows my mind how powerful words can be, and how they affect me so much. More so than music I think. However, what really blows my mind is how crazy and amazing Jesus' love is, and how comforting the Bible is. It's CRAZY. I love it.

Something I really love: (I think I read this a lot in Trez's house - specifically her bathroom. For some reason I used to try and memorize it while I went potty - haha. I guess after all those times, it stuck.)

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference.

A few other things: (just off the top of my head)

Psalm 34:18, Psalm 37:4 (thanks for the reminder, d)

and lastly,

1 Corinthians 13:7

Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

That one is huge.

That is all. (This probably doesn't make much sense..sorry.)

UPDATE:

monday: lab assignment for drafting
tues: history paper w/ pictures
thurs: 3 assignments (materials board, luminaire design and 2 point perspective of room) and 2 sketchbooks due (alllmost done) and in class assignment due

following monday: drafting assignment due (kajdfkajf) and drafting exam
tues: history exam
thurs: design theory exam, and freehand in class assignment

I can't believe I survived tonight!! ONE MORE WEEK.

I also signed up for another class today :) Im happy with that decisions. falling asleep. nightynignt