so tired!

oh my, math is just calling my name. but i really want to blog before my math kills me.

i'm just poooped from these last two weekends, but they have been so ridonculously rad that i'm not even going to complain anymore. i had so much fun these last two weekends...grad camping, then anvil. it was so great just getting to know people and just having God show me things while i was away.

something that's definitely been evident to me these last two weekends is that i really need to get into the Word again. it's ridiculous how long i've been procrastinating. it's easy to just put it off, and put it off, and before you know it, you haven't read your Bible in ages. by then you're like so busy, and you're like i don't even know where to start!...one more day isn't going to make a difference...and before you know it...it's been another week.

i really wish i wasn't so lazy to read my Bible. i wish it was more real to me. i always say that, but i also learned that if i feel like i don't know what God is saying to me in His Word, i shouldn't just give up. i should try it for a whole year. that was really humbling to hear. it's a crazy committment, but totally legit. i picked up one of those reading plans...defs gotta do that. really.

on a sort of different note...

again, and again, i'm reminded that people can surprise you. i learned that last year on outreach...that sometimes, the people you don't expect to get along with are the ones that become your best friends..

to be honest, going to anvil scared me a little. it's totally out of my comfort zone...to just go to a retreat where i don't know a lot of people, but i would do it again in a heartbeat. i met/ and got along so well with so many people that i wouldn't really have talked to otherwise..

the theme this weekend was obedience. i guess the biggest part that stood out to me this weekend was that...it's not always about me. it's about following what God wants for me..and right now, it seems to me that He wants me to be a better person. to be more of an ambassador for Him at PA. just because i go there, doesn't mean that it's easier to be one. it's so hard to just step up, because like i said, it's so much easier to blend in.

also, where do i even start?

oh me, oh my. my headache is killing me.

ladededa, i always stress so much about leaving high school, and losing touch with all these friends i've made along the way. this weekend made me realize all my worries are so trivial. i mean, it's obviously a big deal to have to say goodbye...but i realized there's more out there.

i mean, that might sound sooo stupid seeing as i'm 16, and i'm just realizing that now. but i've always relied on this ONE group of friends. the two best friends that i had before PA go to PA too..so it's just like putting all my apples in one basket..(is that even the right figure of speech? anyways..) not like my friends are apples or anything, but it's like..that's all i had.

all of a sudden, i'm meeting all these new people and God's showing me that there's definitely more out there. PA's a small school, but there's definitely cliques. it sounds so stupid to say, but i guess i hang out with the more..."popular" clique. i HATE to say that, because i don't want to sound like i think that i'm better than anyone, because i don't think so at all. i think it's stupid..but for arguments sake, lets just go with it.

anyways, just because of that, i feel like there's this expectation that people have of us...and who we are, and who the lives we live. i hate that because i can't say i'm like that. i struggled with it sooo much last year.. it's different now, but even now, i'd have to admit that for the past year...i've sort of been torn between two lifestyles. the one that i am living, and the one i think i should be living. it's not like i've done anything horrible, but i feel like i could be doing so much better as far as leading a better life for God goes. it's one thing to say it...but so hard to actually do it.

i'm not sure where it was found, but this weekend, i heard a verse similar to this one...talking about how not everyone can get into the Kingdom of Heaven just because they act like a Christian, they have to really live their lives for God. what a challenge.

"Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. Many will say to me on that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and in your name drive out demons and perform many miracles?' Then I will tell them plainly, 'I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!' "Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock.
Matthew 7:21-24