Thoughts.

You know what?

I need to get back on track with Bible reading and Jesus. Big time.

I am sitting here, thinking about how empty the upcoming week seems...thinking of ways I can fill it, and yet I'm missing the big picture.

I am blessed beyond measure. I always forget that. I feel like I have to keep saying it to remind myself. This week has been truly amazing. Beautiful, sunny days..filled with absolutely nothing..but me enjoying being 17 - not to mention being surrounded with great people - both friends AND family - in the process. All of this has led me to forget what is really important in life. What a shame.

I feel like this year has been the biggest year for me in terms of my faith, and I am disappointed in myself for losing hold of that. I always longed for my faith to be real to me, and for Jesus, and all aspects of Christianity, to be more real to me. And looking back on it now, I think that actually happened. At least I think so. It wasn't a huge realization I don't think. It was a gradual thing. Also, I think being surrounded with people who were also striving for the same things I was, helped. And I will always be thankful that I had/ have those people who are willing to fight through those things with me.

Anyways, this year taught me a lot about who I wanted to be, and who Jesus wanted me to be. Not in the sense of my career or my future, but in terms of my character. I think simply put, I learned the importance of making Jesus the center of my being, and how important it is to do all things for His glory. (Which seems simple, but it was mind-blowing when I actually realized it...and I say it all the time, but I just can't get over it) For the record though, I learned that me realizing it, and me putting it into action, are two completely different things - which also, is something I need to continue to work on.

Back to the point though, I learned the importance of being in the Word...not only to grow in my relationship with God...but also because when you are, it gives you a desire to share what you've learned with others, which is ULTIMATELY my purpose, isn't it?

(I lost my train of thought...hate when that happens when I have a lot to say)

The difficult thing is actually stay committed to reading my Bible. I'm not trying to make excuses, but I can't even explain how hard it is to juggle being 17, and wanting all these worldy things, loving Jesus - and striving to be the person He wants me to be - at the same time. haha, I'm sure if you're reading this, you can relate in one way or another. And...it probably doesn't get easier as time goes on right? Darn.

Life is tough. Haha.

The thing is though, I can be having the most terrible Bible reading streak (translation: if I haven't read it in a long time) and still love Jesus. Wait, there's an explanation for that...I just couldn't find a better way to put it. What I meant was that, I can be having the worse day, and yet...I still don't doubt that I have Someone looking out for me. It's like...I know I push God aside sometimes, but I don't doubt that He is still there for me through everything. (which I KNOW isn't fair...ugh) It's just this ongoing battle, y'know?

I don't know what I'm saying now...I'm just rambling. Thought vomit. But point was...I think I can be having the most terrible time with my Bible reading, or be at a place where my priorities are all messed up, yet I still wouldn't trade what I know to be true for anything. Does that make sense? I'm having the hardest time putting this into words...Ugh.

I am Christian, and I love Jesus not because it's all I've ever known (which yeah, it is), but because it's the only thing that makes sense to me, you know?

And if the answer is no, you don't know...then hollaaa at me :) we'll chit chat or something.

I'll try my best to explain why I think so.

Goal: Empty week = lots of Bible reading to catch up on. (this is not to brag, but for you to keep me accountable.)

Smell ya later alligator!