GRAD IS IN LESS THAN 3 HOURS (well we have to be there in less than 3 hours)

can't believe this is actually happeningggg!

This week is going to be a crazy one! :)/ :(

If you avidly follow my blog...this'll look familiar. Hahha. I wanted to repost it though, for my sake, cause I just reread it, and liked it. I meant to change it, but just reading it again...I decided I don't want to. hahaha k, talk to you later alligator.

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Love. I have so much to say about it, yet I don’t. It’s something exciting, yet scary. Something that everyone thinks they know all about, even when they don’t. I think in some ways, that’s the beauty of love – the fact that it’s such a mystery. And even when someone does find the meaning of it in their own life, it can mean something totally different to the next person. To me, love is a lot of things. But I think whether it be familial love, a love between friends, or romantic love, I think love always involves sacrifice. Love, to me, is what I come home to at the end of a long day. And while it’s not something I always acknowledge, I know it’s always there. Love is my parents working hard every day to be able to give me the comfortable life that I have. It’s them working hard to put food on the table and a roof over my head. Love is me and my brothers having a meal together in front of the TV. It’s us opening up a bag of chips, eating half and leaving the rest for the other person. It’s even my dad dozing off on the couches at the mall, while he lets me and my mom shop. It’s my family being there for me, always. But to me, love is also the little text asking me where I am after I miss a day of school. It’s the little wake up texts, the fist pounds, the rides you can count on, and the late night visits. It’s the comfortable silence while sitting around and doing nothing together. It’s even the snide remarks after you do something stupid. It is also the teacher asking how you are doing after he saw you in tears the week before. Love can be what we see in the movies – the unexpected declarations, the bold proposals, and the happy endings. However, I’ve also come to realize that it can often be the opposite. Sometimes, in life, love is you crying your heart out in your bed, late at night. It can be the words left unsaid, the song lyrics that you’re always singing, and sometimes, it’s something that you even have to let go of. Love is saying you understand, even when you don’t, and it’s moving on, even when you don’t think you should have to. Love is sacrifice. I say this because after all, love started with the greatest sacrifice of all and “We love because He first loved us” (I John 4:19). I think even with time, love will remain a mystery. And even though I know that, I think I will never stop trying to gain more of an understanding of it. It’s a beautiful, mysterious thing that is not easily found. I think that’s what makes it so frustrating, but also such a prize.

what seemed so out of reach, we're holding it right in our hands

How is it that...grad is in 5 days, and commencement in 4? I still hasn't hit me yet. It still feels like...when September rolls around, I'll still be getting school supply lists in the mail, going school supply shopping...buying more uniforms..etc. But psych, I'm not. Also, I move in a week and...2 days? That hasn't hit me yet either.

I live too comfortable a life...maybe I do need to be shaken up a little. I mean...if it were up to me, I probably wouldn't choose to be shaken up this much...but it's not up to me..SOOO sucks to be me.

BUT REALLY, it doesn't.

Amidst all this, life is good. Maybe that's why I'm finding it so hard to believe that I'm moving. Things are good, it's hard to believe that in a week...they're not going to be - hahaha. Depressing, I know.

But no, I'm blessed. It's just...hard to be uprooted when you're seventeen and oh, so comfortable.

HAHA laughed pretty hard at these..

1. I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.
3. I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.
4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
6. Was learning cursive really necessary?
7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I’m pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
9. I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired.
10. Bad decisions make good stories.
11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren’t going to do anything productive for the rest of the day
12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don’t want to have to restart my collection…again.
13. I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.
14. “Do not machine wash or tumble dry” means I will never wash this - ever.
15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring Hello? Hello? Damn it!, but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times then goes to voicemail. What did you do after I didn’t answer? Drop the phone and run away?
16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
17. I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
18. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
19. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.
20. I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid Ghetto” routing option.
21. Sometimes, I’ll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.
22. I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
23. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text.
24. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
25. How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear or understand a word they said?
26. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent an ass from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
27. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
28. Is it just me or do high school kids get dumber & dumber every year?
29. There’s no worse feeling than that millisecond you’re sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
30. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
31. Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
32. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I’d bet my behind everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time
    
    --www.shiftcomma3.tumblr.com

"

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?

Marianne Williamson"

touche

m, have i ever told you how much i like basketball?

hahah i yoke, i yoke. but really, i like basketball.

<3

Le diner de Babette

Totally random picture I saw on Tumblr (again). But...the white book caught my eye "Le diner de Babette." I don't know about you guys, but I don't hear about too many people named Babette..and me, being the french genius that I am...figured it had to do with food...a feast..lunch. or something right? Again, genius. Haha, I don't know the direct translation. Anyways, I had to google it. Sure enough, the movie we watched in CP, "Babette's Feast," was based on this book. Kinda sweeeet, thought it was cool...thought I'd share. hahaha :) It was a cool movie.

Just saw this on tumblr - thought it was deep. Try it on for size :)

"

Here’s one of the things I learned that morning: if you cross a line and nothing happens, the line loses meaning. It’s like that old riddle about a tree falling in a forest, and whether it makes a sound if there’s no one around to hear it.

You keep drawing a line farther and farther away, crossing it every time. That’s how people end up stepping off the edge of the earth. You’d be surprised at how easy it is to bust out of orbit, to spin out to a place where no one can touch you. To lose yourself—to get lost.Or maybe you wouldn’t be surprised. Maybe some of you already know."

--LAUREN OLIVER, BEFORE I FALL

Life's really interesting sometimes. Tonight, I was reminded of...how fast things can change. I guess with that in mind, I really shouldn't stress over high school ending so much. Tonight, I was shown how something so significant one second, can be something completely insignificant the next. Maybe, a year down the road, high school won't be as big of a deal. On that note, I know I'll always miss it.

Anyways, it's funny though. How something that is so everyday, and such a seemingly important thing one day, can be completely irrelevant the next. Doesn't mean it that at one point, it was any less important than what is happening now...I guess it's just how life is. It progresses, changes, people come and go. But also, sometimes people come back, which also is a surprise in itself.

Thank goodness for people you surprise you in the good ways. People who step up, and do something you wouldn't expect.

And also for...things happening when you don't expect them too.

Life ain't so bad. Just kidding, I'm a pessimist...but really, life is good. :) More than good. I'm blessed.

I like how...music is so universal and so relatableee (is that a word?).

Just sayin'.

pfft.

Nights when I am a little worried 'cause I haven't studied for my chem test AT ALL...I am SO ready to be done high school.

Other nights...I can't stop crying 'cause it's all ending. We're never gonna be the way we are now...ever again. For as long as we live. (Yeah, okay, so I'm a little dramatic.)

And then...nights when I'm so annoyed 'cause people just need to mind their own business...I'm so DONEEEE. But hey, I guess that doesn't really change in life, but still. I'm ready to be over high school people who are so curious about every little thing around them. PA's cool. Everyone know's everyone...but that's the thing, everyone KNOWS everyone..too much sometimes.

I used to hate on my grade, like oh, I wish we were more like this...more like that...I wish we all had more in common. The closer we are to the end, the more I love our grade - the more I appreciate everyone. We really aren't all that different - I wish I saw that earlier.

Just the right amount of humour, sarcasm, but also seriousness. The right amount of excitement, but also apathy. A little bit of bad, but definitely more than enough good. A good mix of really great people.

I couldn't imagine being in any other grade.

Not to mention, I couldn't imagine coming back for another year. I'm so over it. It may be in the heat of the moment, I get in hot and cold moods about grad, but RIGHT NOW, I am. I couldn't imagine coming back to the same tedious work, knowing what I know now. I couldn't deal with the SAME drama and gossip of high school. Granted, I know I contributed to some of it too, but still. It is hard imagining life @ PA continuing on next year, and a big part of me is so, so sad about it, yet I think it's time to move on. Fresh start.

Don't get me wrong....
I'm not insecure about who I am. I'm not excited about the end because I want to run away from who I am at PA. Like I'm sure you've figured out, PA has been an amazing ride. PA has been my home away from home...the place where I felt the most comfortable outside of my house. On most days, school was actually fun and bearable.

Yet, I'm ready for a time and place where...everyone doesn't think that just because they see me everyday...know who my friends are...that they know me.

'Cause they don't. They don't know me.

Not even close

how in the hell did we get here?

Who knew this day would come? Tomorrow is the last monday of high school EVER.

This week is my last week of high school, ever. Like...EVER. I'm repeating it for my own benefit, cause really, it hasn't hit me yet.

Everything is happening, now. ALL AT ONCE. I can't believe it.

It makes me wonder if...say...2 years from now, all of this...is going to seem like a distant memory..."all a part of high school." 2..3..4..years from now, is it all still going to be as significant?

Probably not right? But right now, at 17, it's the biggest thing happening in my life, and I can't get past it. Any of it.

Nothing feels better than hiding these days
We bury our fears in the drinks, in these tears
For the days we believed we could fly
We'll go back to the place where the night never ends
We'll remember the fires, the burning car tires
Boy how in the hell did we get here?

So why don't you meet me, down behind the old school
We'll waste away the weekend, with perfect regard for how
Cavalier we used to be, that beautiful insanity
The apathy's surrounding me
Don't close your eyes or we'll fade away

Nothings as real as our old reckless ways
When we drink by the fires
The burning car tires
Bad girls and good liars
The dreams we'd conspire
The days we went crazy
The nights wild and hazy
Man how in the hell did we get here?

Don't close your eyes or we'll fade away

--Old school, Hedley

goodtimes

...skyping with mel in lit.

Quotes I Read

"Sad thing is, you can still love someone, and be wrong for them."

-Elvis Presley

"Love is madness; it’s too easy to lose your mind when you lose your heart."

note to self.

I only have to wear my uniform for 9 more days. Insane.

FYI

Funfact: I always enjoyed Social Studies when we would study things like the French Revolution. I hated units about government and political stuff, but like things about the Reign of Terror, or The Palace of Versailles or hm, who's that guy who built the egg shaped dome thing? Stuff like that has always interested me. Like now, I'm reading about the Romantic Era for Lit. I hate the reading of the actual poetry..(hate is a strong word, but I don't necessarily enjoy it), but I love reading about the history of it. Weird...I guess I'm probably in the wrong class. History would've been a safer bet.

Grads - love you all.

Just a PostSecret picture that I thought was fitting.

I've been really lacking in the blogs lately.

This'll be a short one...but this weekend was amazing.

One of the best weekends of my life - maybe even..top 3.

Rafting was an unforgettable experience with the girls - something I will never forget and always cherish. I thought it'd be scary, but it was probably the funnest thing I've ever done. Yeah, I do need to get out more.

I appreciated this weekend so much. It's hard to believe that the there'll only be one last time that we'll all ever be together like that - grad. (Besides the last days of school, of course). It's not PA that I'm going to miss, but the community. The fact that I can wear socks with sandals in public with this people - I'm really going to miss that. Or..walking into the pod and seeing a group of my friends discussing the Bible and Christianity...that's priceless. The fact that we can go to our chaperones and just talk to them and laugh with them is also priceless. It's the little things.

Sure there was a little bit of drama or tentsion (haha, I spelled it wrong the first time, but I'll keep it..the tent is fitting. hahaha), but with our friends, hahah, of course there would be. It was still an amazing weekend - pictures don't do it justice.

Yeah, weekends like that make me realize how much I'm going to miss it, and how close we are to finishing - and how lucky I am that I ended up at PA and got to know the people that I did.

I'll stop now before I start crying again. I've done my quota for the day, nbd.

...guess that wasn't so short.

I've said this before, but I've found a better way to word it. Haha

When big things are going to happen/ happening in life, it makes me realize how fleeting are lives really are. Like, generally speaking, we don't have second chances in life. Life is just life. Cliche and stuff, but yeah that scares me. The stuff we do affects us forever, and we can't go back and change things.

It's weird seeing all the posters for student council elections next year.