not all true, but partly, so why not.

oh, easier times.

It's been a while.

It's 6oclock, and I am not sleeping. This is terrible.

I had to bring my parents to the airport so I'm wide awake now. Wide-awake is probably an overstatement. Sleeping doesn't sound too bad, but I've been meaning to type one of these out for a while, just haven't gotten around to it.

You know when people used to say, "take advantage of high school?" They weren't kidding. Sure in terms of friends and the community, etc. I've already discovered that they're right. HOWEVER, I did not know - was not prepared that university would be so different from grade 12 academically. Looking back on it, grade 12 was probably one of my easiest years - haha. Slacking off, chillin' in the pod, study breaks, being MIA in classes and chillin' in the bio lab...oh the good ol' days. Now....true, my life isn't that hard, but it just feels like you never really get a break on the homework load. Things just keep piling up. Before you hand one thing in, the next assignment criteria is already up. Assignments are going on as your studying for midterms. Reading after reading, papers papers papers. Yuck. Plus, wow, I have never written such a terrible paper in my life. It's depressing.

I've never been amazing at school, but I've never really been bad at it either. I'm pretty mediocre academically, but I've always seen myself as a little better than average in terms of grades. Not necessarily at the top, but not necessarily at average. But now...I'm definitely not sitting nice and pretty like I used to. I didn't expect it AT ALL.

It'd be one thing if it was just me - yeah, I guess it wouldn't be the biggest surprise seeing as I just said that I'm not the smartest cookie around, but to see all the people around me struggling as much as I am, and getting low(er) grades is really sad. Not in the way that I'm judging them, but just makes me even more depressed - as in, if EVERYONE is doing that bad, is there any hope for me? HAHA, shoot.

...I'm not even in sciences.

Like I told D, I'm justifying this my telling myself that it was my first university paper. I'll do better next time.....

I think the worst part about university is everything is worth so FREAKING much. One paper is worth 15 percent of my grade. Each mark I lose is one percent of my grade. My midterms are 25. That means....each freaking essay was like 12.5 percent each. Each word was probably worth a quarter of a percent or something. That's pretty....sucky. I hate it.

In terms of independence, university is way better. Meeting new people, new environments, etc. But I'd rather be acing everything with flying colours. I'm gonna go to sleep...so I can wake up and cram a bunch of complex chemistry into my brain for my chem midterm on Monday.

What I'm really saying is, goodbye social life.

Hahaha, again, shooot.

I'd be dying if I wasn't going to school with some of the girls. <3

Pray for my chem midterm, yuck.

...and some more motivation wouldn't hurt either.

Also, back to work next week. Sweet...kinda. Not really.

Good...morning.

Yet another reason this week is going to be a long one. YUCK.

and I'm dreading my shift tonight.

I'm stressed. I'm sitting in the communications building, waiting for class to start 'cause the chem lecture only lasted for like...half an hour today. So I'm really early waiting for class.

I am so, so, so, so tired. I don't think I've had this bad of a Monday before. I think it's just the stress of knowing I have so much to do, in so little time AND knowing I have to work til 11:30 tomorrow night. This week is going to be a long one - or is a short one? You know how the weeks you WANT to be long (cause you have so much to do) end up going SO fast? It'll be a miracle if I reach my 18th birthday...haha. Just kidding.

I gotta go to class now, more later...if I have time.

I was in the middle of a blog post, then my laptop shut down :(

I was just saying how I think I need to change my perspective on things. I often stare at my calendar, and just get so overwhelmed about everything - especially since they all overlap one another. (Hence my thoughts about monochronic and polychronic time ;):)) But really, obviously school is important - and doing well at school is too, but I think I need to stop worrying so much. Everyone is/ has done it - and if not, they're surviving, right? I think I need to learn how to take things one day at a time and stop worrying non-stop.

With that being said, that wasn't really the point of this blog.

I tweeted yesterday that I got a bulk PA email written by Mr. D about PA's 25th anniversary. It made me sad as I sat in my cmns 130 tutorial. It's just so weird hearing from him - not that it was directly intended for me, but still. I miss the teachers there.

Also, it was addressed to "alumni."

When I think of alumni, I think of young adults who are established and mature, etc. I don't think of me, but it's weird that I'm technically part of that group now. I'm not a PA student. I'm alumni. :S

Also, I put a little slash through the days on my calendar...and staring at it now, it's weird seeing that September is almost over. That means...about 2.5 months of school left in this semester. Phewwww.

Homework time.....boo.

It's been one of those weeks...

It's just been one of those weeks.

Everything was overwhelming and frustrating.

And now, it's past 10 and I haven't really gotten any homework done yet AND it's going to be an early morning tomorrow. So essentially, yes, I should be getting a move on before I start doing this, but so what? It's a free country.

You know those days when nothing just sits right with you? It's sort of a toss-up between apathy and annoyance of some sort - but you're not really sure what it is. Maybe it's the week getting to me..or maybe it's just a mixture of things.

I hate the feeling of not being able to fix things - I guess that's the brat in me. I like to have things my way, and it's kind of frustrating when things are out of my control.

I honestly just want a day, where I can lie in my bed and just watch movie after movie. That's what I miss. Days of careless abandon with myself - and with some people.

Sometimes I wish I could rewind the days, but other days, I wish I could just hit fastforward. Over exams, over midterms, etc.

It's weird how fast life goes. As I was driving today - on long stretches of highway - there were memories that were coming to mind that were just weird to think about.

Still, I have a knot in my stomach and I can't shake this feeling.

I CAN'T FIGHT THIS FEEEEELING ANYMORE (8)

..like the song. Okay. Goodnight.