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oh my, i feel so lame. sitting here, 2 days before christmas (we're a day ahead), at 9:00 at night...on the computer. i should really be out..but i'm 17, and halfway across the world, sigh.

it'd be different if i grew up here. i'm sleeping at my aunts house tonight. darn, i really should've brought my bible and my journal. :( but i hate asking the driver to do stuff for me. like i said, i hate telling them to do stuff. i mean im 17. i have no right to tell them to do something for me..yet they act like their life revolves around it. it's so..ahh. yet, its just the way life is here. it pains me!

it's weird that little things like math tests and homework are such a big deal..when i come here, and am faced with much much bigger things like so much poverty. its weird to come from a place that is moving forward in every way, technology, resources..etc.; then to come to a place that is only moving backwards. for example..in canada, everyone's trying to "go green." drinking from reusable bottles, using ecofriendly bags..yet here, its the total opposite..and it's like there is no way to stop it.

the ones who can afford to do it, only drink bottled water. even at home. only because the water here is so dirty that you cant drink any of it. plus, it's so hot here, so people are continuously drinking lots and lots of water to avoid dehydration. it's such a culture shock. here, you either have money or you dont..and you're stuck. even your family is stuck. like..it's impossible to get out of the poverty once you're in.

again, i am reminded of how blessed i am. i could just as easily still live here..and live a completely different life. i often sit in traffic and just look out the window and think of how lucky and blessed i am to live in Canada. it's easy for me to be here..its a vacation. i can be here for two weeks and be gone - away from all the poverty, and hardships and be back in my comfortable life. but i ask myself..what about the people who aren't on vacation? ..and i'm stumped.

this is life for them. it doesn't get any better. sure you can give them money, (50 pesos is huge to them..when its only like a dollar to us)..but what does that fix? not to mention, it's illegal to give people on the street money now. labour is so cheap here too..i wish i could pack them all up and bring them to Canada. i wish.

again, i am so blessed and thankful.

its weird that this is a bigger culture shock for me than outreach was...it's not like this is new to me. i guess i was too young to really take notice of it before.

it's easy to be able to close my eyes and escape, and in less than two weeks, i can. but what about the people who cant? i dont even know what to say/ do/ think.

how can feel i all this..but still have a great time here..because i am. like i said, despite all that, i am enjoying being back with the family, and experiencing all the things i used to enjoy as a kid.
i feel like a hypocrite.

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