friends yo

i feel like i am terrible at keeping up with friends. i feel so terrible and sad about it...but i find it SO hard to keep up a good relationship with A LOT of people all at once for some reason. like..i like to focus a lot of time into friendships..aka tell that person EVERYTHING and talk to them twenty-fo-seven. not literally, but i get really close to a few people at times, and that's it. and then...i lose other friendships because i lose focus on those friendships - unintentionally - when i don't have as much contact with them. i'm a talker and i need to constantly be talking to people, if not..then it sort of just fizzles. i need contact in my life! no, not physical necessarily, ha-ha. just keeding. anyways, yeah. i just lost my train of thought in the process of coming up with that lame attempt at a joke. sigh. oh, YES, i remembered! but yeahh, like usually, i find that i can't have friends, (or even like guys for that matter), when i can't talk to them. like talk TALK, you know? except..they gotta be able to just be quiet too. 'cause...yeah, i like a mix. anyways, i'll stop now.
point was, i miss the friends that i was SUPER taaaiiight with like 2 months ago...and yet, during that time, i missed the friendships that i was letting slip away, and now...i'm back to those..and i miss the others...do you see this cycle?! YEAH, i know. stressful.
okay, me and melissa are screensharing. and she's creeping me out so i'll stop typing this now.

PS. i was typing this..and i made this REALLY great joke about melissa farting, and (as i type this she is singing fergalicious LOL) anyways, as i was making this really really great joke about her farting, it wouldnt work and it kept messing up my blog! srsly, it was a crazy experience. its like my blog loves her more than me..for cereal where is the loyalty.

oh my, my ears hurt. dont ever ask melissa to "sing" fergalicious for you, really. and now she's laughing hysterically. trust me, if you could hear it, you wouldn't be laughing.

(oh, and hi ryan)

last semester, of high school, EVER. whaat.

i have been la-la-lovin' this week.

it's nice to wake up..and feel like i don't have to do ANYTHING. it's definitely a nice feeling.

but for cereal, the next 5 months are gonna be cuhhhhrazy!

the next 5 months are when EVERYTHING changes!

can you believe it?...'cause i can't.

yippeee

it's been a good two days. :)

akjdkajf fml, fml.

3:35pm

terrible headache

need to bake 3 dozen brownies for tomorrow nights game

need to study like mad for probability test tomorrow aka last chance to boost up my mark

i need to finish my revision for my essay

JUST GOT SCREWED OVER.

greeaaat.

5:28pm

headache worsened

brownies look like poo

i feel gross from eating all the rejects

haven't touched my math

still worried

i need a nap.

8:50pm

my headaches gone :)

the brownies..well nothings changed.

i'm still worried.

math time.

12:41am

halfway through reviewing math package, after..more reviews to do.

and again, the brownies...i baked them. you can guess how they look..haha 'nough said.

no longer worried about halftime show :)

back to math.

1:13am

can't concentrate, eyes shutting

waking up in 4.5 hours.

4 more days of this semester.

boo ya.

goodnight.

when i look at you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l_tx07e8dUQ&feature=related

this is my "deep thinking" song. really.

i LOVE it and i dont know why.

it makes my heart hurt!

its just so sadddd and yeah it makes me wanna write.

but..its way too late for me to be deep right now.

but really, when i listen to it, it makes me want to cry.

am i crazy?!

probably.

goodnight :)

PS. i cant wait for the last song to come out. yeyeyeah.

also, dear john anyone? well maybe..and valentines day.

she took the midnight train going anywhere

Okay, so I guess it's been a while since I've posted a deep, legit post. I just tried. I can't!

Seriously, I went on for at least 400 words, rambling on about what I need to do, things I need to accomplish. And the worst part was, I sounded like an LG 99% of the time. What's even worse is, I think that my writing has seriously gone downhill. I love writing, this is so sad.

Okay, here, I'll try it.

I didn't realize that people actually read this. I've kept blogs for a while, but they used to be private, or limited to only 2/3 people who blogged along with me. It was like ours means of communication, our way to stay tapped into eachother's lives. So I guess, if you follow this, this is your way of tapping into my life. I just hope I know you..haha. Anyways, I enjoy blogging. If you read my blurb (found on the left-hand side - haha) you'll understand why. Bloggings a good release. I enjoy it. It's a place where I can just talk about whatever, and to be honest, I'm a writer, not a talker. I like to be able to see what I'm saying, and to be able to analyze it, tweak it.

So anyways, like I said, there's something about knowing your blog is out there, yet not. Anyways, I didn't write this post to advertise how great blogging is, even though it's starting to sound like that..

I guess the only advantage of having your blog private is that you're so much more free to be transparent. I think that's why it's so hard for me to do this whole blogging transparently thing now.

But like I said, I guess I'll try it now...again.

K there's a reason for this...or a lesson learned..so just try and follow me haha.

I think..I watched too many romantic comedies growing up. I'm the girl who subconsciously believed in Prince Charming disguised as the random stranger you just coincidentally meet on a street corner, falling madly in love instantly. Okay, just kidding, I'm not that terrible. Almost, but not quite. But really, up to recently, I didn't realize how distorted my expectations/views were. Media, man, media. Let's be real. There is no princess, no fairytale, no leading up stairwells, and this defs ain't no hollywood. (Are you picking up what I just put down there?) But really, like I mentioned, I am seriously being BOMBARDED with relationship lessons, and talks. It's like whoa, reallly? All at once. It's such a blur that I forget where I hear what from.

Anyways, back to unrealistic expectations. Granted, my expectations of Prince Charming weren't as far-fetched as scenario one, for a long time, I still believed that there was only one boy in the world for me, and I had to find him. I don't believe it anymore. Do you?

After hearing things like, "just because you love someone, doesn't mean you have to marry them," and "you don't have to marry the one you love, you'll love the one you marry..." and reading things like, "Many young men could qualify as your Mr. Right, but you get to choose which one you want to commit to. However, even if you do not choose wisely and marry Mr. Wrong, when you recite your wedding vows, he automatically becomes your Mr. Right."

My favourite was the last one because, the first two I'd heard before. But I've never heard the last one put like that.

I was always a sucker for finding "the one" (and there was only one) and having a happy ending. I guess life's not exactly like that though. No, siree, it is not.

Anyway, moral of the story/ what I've learned?

Sometimes, yeah, you may love someone, and they could be the PERFECT mr. right, but sometimes, that's all it is.

Peace out.

rah-rah-ah-ah-ah-ah, roma-roma-ma-ma, gaga oh lala

my parents gooot back today :)

actually, i havent seen them much. they're in their room sleeping..oh, jet lag. bad choice, i say. it will only come back and bite them! haha. but anyways,

i havent blogged in a while.

actually, i don't feel like i have much to say, which is saying something..because i usually have something to say. HAHA. but really, i don't have much of a desire for it..which is weird. actually, i don't have much of a desire to do much. it's like..i'm apathetic but not. i mean life is in a good place right now, like really good. i'm having fun, and just enjoyin' time with friends. i mean, it's still kind of weird being back..i am still homesick for the philippines. no really, homesick. i miss my family. but that's the thing. i think the thing i've learned the most in the past month is seriously how BLESSED i am. i've said it before, but really. like, before, i was reminded of how blessed i am with family...but being back, i've come to realize that i'm also SO blessed when it comes to the people around me.

like..okay, there's been drama, and whatever along the way. but wow, like as i tried writing my grad write-up, i realized just how much i'm gonna miss everyone. actually, i realized how glad i am that i got to go through life with them - with everyone i've met. like, the people around you really do shape who you become i think..and it's weird to think that i'd be a completely different person if even just one person was missing. ...legit? i think sooo.

i am sooo thankful for the people around me.

and earlier, i was asking myself...like WHAT ARE YOU DOING? if you try and get closer to other/new people, it's going to make it even harder to leave and say goodbye. but then..im thinking now..that's a given isn't it? having to say goodbye. CHOOSING to not make more friends in an effort to save myself from the pain, only messes ME up because that's ME holding myself back from being able to experience new things and make different memories, with different people.

mmm yeah. that's what i was thinking about today.

also, we aren't supposed to talk about it..at all really. but shoooot CP classes these days are rad. like it's the relationship portion..like..courting and stuff. and okay, yeah, you're thinking, of course you would like that joanne, you're a sap. and okay, that's true. but it's actually deep, legit talks that you go whaaaatttt whoaaa at the deep insights. haha no joke, well sometimes.

but today, mr.d was like, "just because you love someone, doesn't mean you have to marry them."

stuff i've heard before, etc. but..it's different when you hear it in a CLASS. haha i dont know, like, i don't relate to it now, but it's still a good nugget of wisdom to tuck into the back of my mind, our minds, whatever. i mean..i hope that makes sense. there's obviously context to it..

okay, i guess that's enough. haha

smell ya later alligator.

joanne needs to stop procrastinating.