I was in the middle of a blog post, then my laptop shut down :(

I was just saying how I think I need to change my perspective on things. I often stare at my calendar, and just get so overwhelmed about everything - especially since they all overlap one another. (Hence my thoughts about monochronic and polychronic time ;):)) But really, obviously school is important - and doing well at school is too, but I think I need to stop worrying so much. Everyone is/ has done it - and if not, they're surviving, right? I think I need to learn how to take things one day at a time and stop worrying non-stop.

With that being said, that wasn't really the point of this blog.

I tweeted yesterday that I got a bulk PA email written by Mr. D about PA's 25th anniversary. It made me sad as I sat in my cmns 130 tutorial. It's just so weird hearing from him - not that it was directly intended for me, but still. I miss the teachers there.

Also, it was addressed to "alumni."

When I think of alumni, I think of young adults who are established and mature, etc. I don't think of me, but it's weird that I'm technically part of that group now. I'm not a PA student. I'm alumni. :S

Also, I put a little slash through the days on my calendar...and staring at it now, it's weird seeing that September is almost over. That means...about 2.5 months of school left in this semester. Phewwww.

Homework time.....boo.

It's been one of those weeks...

It's just been one of those weeks.

Everything was overwhelming and frustrating.

And now, it's past 10 and I haven't really gotten any homework done yet AND it's going to be an early morning tomorrow. So essentially, yes, I should be getting a move on before I start doing this, but so what? It's a free country.

You know those days when nothing just sits right with you? It's sort of a toss-up between apathy and annoyance of some sort - but you're not really sure what it is. Maybe it's the week getting to me..or maybe it's just a mixture of things.

I hate the feeling of not being able to fix things - I guess that's the brat in me. I like to have things my way, and it's kind of frustrating when things are out of my control.

I honestly just want a day, where I can lie in my bed and just watch movie after movie. That's what I miss. Days of careless abandon with myself - and with some people.

Sometimes I wish I could rewind the days, but other days, I wish I could just hit fastforward. Over exams, over midterms, etc.

It's weird how fast life goes. As I was driving today - on long stretches of highway - there were memories that were coming to mind that were just weird to think about.

Still, I have a knot in my stomach and I can't shake this feeling.

I CAN'T FIGHT THIS FEEEEELING ANYMORE (8)

..like the song. Okay. Goodnight.

before i get back to my homework.

I haven't had just a homework day in a while. I got home at a little past four today...which is just like the old days. I had time to just...do homework and not stress - which I should get back to shortly.

It was also nice to just spend some time with t and c yesterday. Again, it felt like the old days. A typical night spent next door, taking much longer than I usually would to do my homework. I miss that like crazy, and I drove by my old house, with the for sale sign gone - it looked just like it used to. Yet...it feels like a lifetime ago that I lived there. That makes me so sad to say. Really, it's only been 2 and a half months. But really, so many memories were made in that house...around that house. I don't know why I'm back in this melancholy mood more these days, just missin' it I guess as I get more and more rooted into the university routine. Maybe it's finally sinking in that we can't - and that I can't - go back. That sucks.

I really, really miss my white polo. I didn't know it would be so hard to transition. I'm glad that I'm still surrounded by a few familiar faces though. Today, in the library, (and before the library with E), A and I just moaned about how we miss PA. Well, it only lasted for a minute or two, but still. I guess it helps that I'm not the only one. Strength in numbers right? It's not so much that it's hard...although that adds to it, but I think I just hate changed and having to grow up.

It's like...I want to quit my job so that I can have it easier, have more nights to just sit here and do this, and do my homework. But really, where does that get me? I need the money, so the job is good. I hope that a month down the road, I don't turn around and eat my words by quitting my job. I'd like to stick to it, and just keep doing what I'm doing. It's not too bad. Just busy. It just means less time for myself, and less time with everyone, but again, it's all about learning to prioritize, right? It's just tiring, and really, the transit takes a lot of time out of my day. But meh, what can you do, right?

I just really, really miss the old days when nights like this would typically mean going next door, or having someone over to do homework together - or really, to procrastinate together.

It's just so busy. Always stuff to do, places to go, people to see.

I like being 17. I still want to be able to have fun, but it's so hard to fit it in :(

Also, my shoulders kill, especially my right one from my backpack probably, and bending over to do my homework in bed/ at a desk. I have terrible posture. Ouch.

Back to reading.

Oh, Saturday night.

So, I survived another week of university. Not that it's unbearable...it's just very, very different and today, as I looked through some pics, I really missed my white polo - amongst other things obviously. But it's little things that I never really thought about that I kinda miss. Not to mention - I'm already running out of clothes. Pretty soon the only thing left to wear will be my grad dress...and well....

Sorry, that wasn't funny.

Anyways, today was a good day in that I worked, napped a bit, went grocery shopping AND did some homework. Oh, and I cleaned my room, etc. Yay. I don't remember the last time I just had a Saturday to recoop. :)

Tomorrow, I shall clean my car...inside @ least, and do more homework.

I miss my friends - more particularly as a whole. I miss all of us being together, in the bubble.

But that's nothing new I guess.

It was nice being in fh last night, just hanging with some people. The other week D asked me if it felt weird being back in fh, and if it felt less like home. I said no. I don't know. I've been thinking about it. And home is where family is...and where you feel the most at ease, etc. So in that sense, I live in "X" (for my stalkers). this is my home. But in the sense of "home is where the heart is," fh is still home.

It does feel more weird being there now though, which makes me sad. I think it's the fact that I don't recognize things which throws me off. The fact that, like pa, life is still happening out there, while im out here, is weird to think about. It's not the same anymore. And if i give it enough thought, i still - for lack of a better word - ache when I think about it. Like how so many things would be different if I still lived there. But I guess there's no point in dwelling in that.

I think ...it's a matter of me still trying to grasp some level of normality, or routine - but I haven't yet. In terms of school I mean - not so much X. Even though, I guess that too.

I'm excited for this new week though. Why? 'cause like I said, I went grocery shopping. Mmmm. I don't think I mentioned it, but I get through my classes by eating. It keeps me entertained and busy. So this is gonna be great. Also, I think I'm gonna take it easy on Tuesday, if you know what I mean ;)

Also, I think I'm getting sick. Poopee.

thought this was deep haha

TGIF

I know I said I would read my philosophy hw on the skytrain today, but I can't help but sit here and relish the fact that it is friday. I only have a fifty minute class today, then I can officially say that I have gotten through my first week of university. Granted, it wasn't technically a full week since.....we had labour day off AND there were no tutorials - but hey, who's really counting? Haha

I forgot to mention that yesterday included probably the worse skytrain experience of my life. I came to two conclusions: it's not the best idea to skytrain during rush hour, and people need to learn the importance of deodorant. Oh, I'll make that three conclusions - if you are going to skytrain during rush hour on a hot day, don't buy hot coffee.

I need to make a transfer - haha, hang on.

.......

To continue on with my play-by-play, I barely caught that bus. Hahaha but its all good.

Anyways, I'm gonna try and tap into something more pensive....haha.

I've been sitting here for at least ten minutes trying to come up with something worthwhile - but I can't really think of anything else besides this whole university experience and I guess a little bit of sadness at having to let high school go.

But as much as I miss high school, I'm pretty happy with where things are at. I mean, like I said, I miss the structure, but I think more than anything, I just miss the familiarity - with everything. Like my surroundings, the atmosphere and especially the people. Its sad that the only contact I really ever have with my friends that don't go to sfu is bbm or texting now - or facebook if that. Wonder of all wonders I hardly ever go on facebook anymore - haha imagine that.

Maybe, its more that I miss being able to just do nothing all day, you know? Wake up and walk next door, or down the street to see a friend. Or sit at starbucks with my friends for hours and just talk about nothing in particular - not that that's impossible now - since granted, my life isn't really that hard. But in between school, almost two hours of transitting each way, working (17 hrs this week), doing (already) wackloads of reading and some other homework I should start on, spending time with the fam, sleeping and some other stuff ;), sitting at starbucks for hours on end isn't a high priority - haha.

Like I said, TGIF.
Also, I'm pretty sure its payday today, which is just a cherry on top. I love cherries.
Sent from my BlackBerry device on the Rogers Wireless Network

I thought I'd reward myself.

I intended on finishing up my philosophy readings tonight, but you know what...I'll finish it on the bus tomorrow, plus I don't work til 5 which should give me some time to finish up philosophy AND maybe even make a dent on the communication readings. I mean...I read some of that in the car the other day, but I don't think I absorbed much. On the bright side, I did finish my chem readings for tomorrow - although there are more that I have to do for the lab section - and I finished the two readings for English, which I'm pretty happy about. So...why not. I thought I'd blog and hit the hay for tonight.

To be a little bit more of a pessimist for a few more seconds, I really need a massage. My shoulders are still killing me :( I don't know why.

Also, I don't know why I'm talking/ blogging so sophisticatedly. I mean, I did just email two of my profs regarding exams, so that must play a part in all this proper and intellectual way of talking - haha. Well probably not so much the haha, you know what I'm saying? :P

Enough of that I guess.

So the verdict of this week, transit isn't so bad. True, it's long, but considering that it only takes approximately half an hour more than me driving, it ain't so bad. Sure, it bumps up the commute to about 1.5 hours (fml haha) - I get reading done and it's annoying to drive during rush hours in the mornings anyway. So I only drive on days I have to - or days I really don't want to transit. Something like that. Sure, it's only been 3 days of school, coming up on four, but that is the plan. No way half a tank of gas will get me there a few times a week anyway. Plus, transitting is free, technically... AND, it allows me to have a life during the weekends if I insist on being cheap and want the 30 bucks to last. So really, transitting is a no brainer, right? Haha :)

As far as classes go, I honestly don't have a verdict yet. All I can say is, it's very very very different from high school - and more specifically PA. (Thanks tips). I mean, if you went to a public school with let's say 1200 students in a high school, the anonymity (did I use that right?) isn't too foreign or bizarre. But considering that PA had approximately 400 students in the high school, suddenly having to sit in lectures with that many students in one class is, like I said, very very very different. Plus, structurally speaking, it's definitely more independent - which I guess, was to be expected. But still, if you knew me well, you'd know this - I like structure and while university has some of that - I do miss being spoonfed my to-do list. It was nice.

Today, I handed in my first "mark" for university. In the sense that...it was a lab and the first thing that is going to get marked for me. It was pretty scary. But I think I'm going to like the people I work beside, they're nice. I guess sometimes you have to remind yourself that you're all pretty much in the same boat, trying to find your way for the first time at school - for the most part...give or take a few 2nd years or whatever. Since you know...I'm not in the BASIC chem course...what's up now?! Just kidding, I didn't really have a choice. I was originally signing up for the other chem course - which I was so excited about when I noticed that it was basically a review of chem 12 - but psych...that's exactly what it was. It was basically chem 12 in university - so to my dismay, I couldn't take it. Haha, so here I am, taking the more advanced chem course. Wait, remind me - why am I taking chem again? Just kidding.

On the bright side of things, my lab didn't quite run the four hours today, so I got home around 530, which is around what time the lab usually ends at...haha oh my. But hey, we are back next week...maybe if I'm lucky!

...I guess this proper, intellectual talk is still going.

Also, today is the 9th. Tomorrow is the 10th. (Yeah, it is).

Which means that tomorrow will be 2 months since I moved to Richmond.

Really...only two months?

Okay, it's past my bedtime now, and I'm too lazy to get into deeper thoughts in that it will mean that I will get to bed late, and I'm pretty excited about my sleep. Not to mention, I'll feel guilty if I stay up too late, wasting time and not doing some sort of reading for school.

Oh, university life. (Ha...I sound so dumb saying that since it's only been 3 days. Oh well, I'll milk it for what it's worth.)

It's weird that it's here.

I should really be sleeping now, enjoying every second I can get...'cause I'm not getting much sleep tonight. But I'm justifying this by the fact that I don't work tomorrow or Thursday...and in between family dinner, homework and organizing my schedule, I will get some sleep.

I could blog about my first day...or I could just ramble. I like the second one better.

I am exhausted for some reason. I didn't do much today though, which is what scares me since it's definitely going to get busier. The four hour shift til 10 was cut short too...which was a plus. It was a lot of restocking and stuff like that, which was good.

What blows my mind...is that my lecture this morning had about 4oo students in it. That's crazy considering high school last year had what...a little over 400? Yeah, that's definitely a change.

I'm also reassuring myself that I'll get some reading done while I transit tomorrow.

Hmmm...is it bad that I'm already looking forward to the weekend?

I'm livinnn' for the weekend, hey! (The Weekenders...come on.)

It's weird that normally...my uniform would probably be strewn on my bed, somewhere by my feet, ready for tomorrow. But nope, I've got some jeggings and a sweater ready for tomorrow. :(

Man, this is different.

Goodbye Summer.

This is going to be a short one.

A few years ago, if you asked me how I pictured my last summer with my all friends would be like....this summer wouldn't have been it. On the top of my list of expectations would be having stayed in Surrey after graduation, or at least not moving that soon. But hey, that's now how things turned out.

This summer was probably...the opposite of what I would've pictured for my Summer. But now that it's all said and done, I would say that, it was one of my most memorable Summers - both the highlights and the lowlights - haha.

It's weird that...okay, who's counting really, but summer technically ends in 13 minutes.

I am scared out of my mind for what's next. It's not even the uncertainty anymore - although, yeah, that adds to it. The unknown is scary, plus I don't know why, but I'm really nervous to transit tomorrow by myself - haha! This is what PA has to done to me...

But...tonight I'm sitting here, I'm so sleepy.

I'm picturing my busy week ahead of me, and I'm already freaking out.

My sfu email is clogged up with class info, and the course outlines, weekly schedules - OH MYYY - plus my 17 hour work week. I don't know - I know, I know....it could be worse. TRUE, but wow, it's not looking too pleasant. I feel like I'm gonna be beat by the end of it. I already am.

Point was....

I'm scared of what's ahead.

Summer's really over.

I'm scared I took on too much with 5 classes this sem.

We'll see I guess.

To anyone who cares - and actually reads this blog...

hope all your first days go well too, and that your summer wasn't half bad either ;)

This blog sucks, I'm tired and thought it'd be a good idea to write this down though.

Goodnight.

More to come.